his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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