Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
