There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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