so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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