Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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