i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize