worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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