you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
