Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you never un-have a 4some
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
