i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
