She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize