so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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