operation harelip BJ is a go
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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