when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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