Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
