I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
