dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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