Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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