The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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