you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
