there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
