this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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