I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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