Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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