he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
