I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The struggles of a small town man whore
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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