Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
