wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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