Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
