is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
