Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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