Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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