i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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