she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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