all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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