No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
