youre lurking in front of me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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