She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
