Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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