i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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