like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everything about him screamed your future.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
