Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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