in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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