You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
