We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
FUCK WHALES
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
