I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
