wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
