piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
