I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
