I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
