Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
