I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
