if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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