The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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