So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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