i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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