someone get that fucking seahorse.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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