Whod you bang
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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