you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
