the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
