Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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